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Saturday, December 21st, 2013

Subject:Final College Grades are in!
Time:1:42 am.
01 BI222 Lecture Plant Biology  12.00 M B
01 EN320 Lecture Studies in Classical & Medieval Europe  12.00  B
01 EN321 Lecture Renaissance & Enlightment Literature  14.80  A-
Attempted: 12.00 Term: 3.23
Earned: 12.00 Overall: 3.09

I am awesome.
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Wednesday, October 19th, 2011

Time:1:10 pm.
I do believe it's that time again! A revival of the Lessons My Friends Taught is underway! Part 1 is here: http://cygnata.sandwich.net/writings/lessons2.txt and Part 2 is here: http://cygnata.sandwich.net/writings/lessonsv2.txt

Please reply with your own, the goal is at least 50-100 different
contributors! Part 3 will be updated through December, if all goes well.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

Subject:Shitty Day
Time:1:53 pm.
Made the majority of my journal older than 2 years private. Old shit really doesn't need dredging up.

I wish *someone* wanted me, though, enough to actually *do* something about it. That's all I'll say.
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Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

Subject:Can't sleeeeep
Time:6:23 am.
Mood: sleepy.
Another restless, lonely night. Ben thinking aout everything lately, and still upset over Ryan leaving me, claiming he wished he'd done so in 2007. *sigh*

I've been hurt so many times... I know what I want, but finding it seems more and more impossible. It's nights and days like this that bring all the old scars to light, and make me wish I had something better to offer, well, anyone. Especially when I've been replaced so quickly. That, I'm not as surprised by, even though it still hurts. Two weeks is not the shortest timeframe for one of my exes to find someone new. I think it's the average, really. Guess that says a lot. Not all of the following pertains to me and Ryan... most of it is lessons I learned in the hardest ways possible with other people I've dated or tried to be close friends with.

I don't want love at first sight or first date. That's blown up in my face far too many times. I want friendship that has a chance to grow.

I want someone who sees me as an equal. I don't want to always be the one making desicions because the other person goes absolutely quiet when asked for an opinion. Neither do I want to make no desicions. A relationship should be a partnership. Friendship, love, what have you.

I want someone who values me. I don't want to be on a pedestal, but I'll not stand, ever again, for someone to tell me repeatedly that I'm worthless, psychotic, a bitch who doesn't deserve anything but that they decide to dish out. That's one friendship I'm GLAD I ended when they started pressuring for more. Be glad my fist was only raised to punch the couch, during that final confrontation!

I want someone nearby. Long distance is doable for a while, but eventually, the distance sets in. I think that's part of what happened to Ryan. Someone to hold, someone to touch, someone to share experiences with... that would be heaven. I'm working on the driving thing, trying to get to the DMV to take the test, and trying to find lessons for after. So many obstacles would disappear if I could just travel more freely.

Another gamer would be nice, someone who also likes to roleplay, and/or relax on the computer. Someone I can introduce to the communities I've become close to, Callahans, Dumpshock/Bulldrek, Holotrek, City of Heroes, Bioware, and others. Plus there's my college buddies, and high school friends. Someone who likes people too, basically.

Someone with a job, or at least in college, with at least a vauge plan for what they want to do. Not a workaholic, but... I'm tired of being the "ambitious" one, the only one with a job. Someday, I'd like the chance to just stay at home for a while, instead of working 6 or 7 days a week.

Someone who wants a family someday. I envy those friends with kids more than most of them realize. I know there's a good chance I'll actually never have any, even if I do eventually find someone, but I can dream...

Someone who can be impulsive sometimes, drives to the middle of nowhere at midnight are thrilling things, and one thing I miss about living on my own. Not overly reckless, but I want to travel, and have adventures of my own.

Someone who trusts me to support them when they're down and need to talk, but also does the same for me. Too many times, I've been the rock of steadiness in the relationship, a role I can't handle forever. Months of that is what lead to my breakdowns... breakdowns during which they left me.

I go so numb sometimes... I'm numb now. Ryan leaving me doesn't hurt so much... it has a feeling of the inevitable about it. There is always someone better. I want too much, and I'm too selfish about it. I've burned far too many bridges. I'm not going to give up, on life or on hoping, but I'm also not going to assume a white knight'll ever come.
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Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Subject:Ryan left me for good. :(
Time:5:57 pm.
Mood: rejected.
Easy to like, impossible to love. The person who told me this years ago was right. :(
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Monday, February 1st, 2010

Time:1:39 pm.
Julia just reminded me of this incident: Last year, little old lady comes up to me, and asks me, "How's your baby doing?"

I told her I don't have kids.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie! You just look SO tired, and my dear, THOSE are nursing breasts!"

... Coworkers haven't quite let me live it down yet. -.-

I want that surgery, dammit! No more!
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

Subject:Dinner Experiment Gone Well
Time:11:54 pm.
Had a craving for kielbasa, and had promised to eat the leftover chop suey.

1 serving rice
2 servings chop suey
1/2 beef polska kielbasa, cut into one inch chunks

Did the rice and chop suey as normal, fried up the kielbasa and added it to the top. Nummy. :9 For those who like the spiciness of kielbasa to shine through, some hot sauce probably would go well. :9

Might put up my cookie recipes soon, been pondering it. And yes, my quadruple chocolate will be among them. *Don't* expect to ever see the pancake recipe, though, *that* is a family secret, not mine. ;)
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Saturday, February 14th, 2009

Subject:Happy Valentine's Day! :D
Time:12:38 am.
Mood: loved.

Soooo adorable. :D
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, February 2nd, 2009

Subject:Important Notice
Time:10:54 pm.
If you see a Cygnata on the Mac forums or on any MMO except CoH, this person is not me. So far, they appear only to have liked the name, and do not seem to be infringing on my copyright. (Cygnata, Dreamers, etc are under paid copyright in relation to my unpublished novel.) Unless they do actively try to pretend to be me, or they try to infringe on my creative properties, I am not pursuing the matter legally at this time. Please do NOT harrass this person. Thank you. 
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LiveJournal for Cygnata.

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You're looking at the latest 9 entries.