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Had a craving for kielbasa, and had promised to eat the leftover chop suey.
1 serving rice
2 servings chop suey
1/2 beef polska kielbasa, cut into one inch chunks
Did the rice and chop suey as normal, fried up the kielbasa and added it to the top. Nummy. :9 For those who like the spiciness of kielbasa to shine through, some hot sauce probably would go well. :9
Might put up my cookie recipes soon, been pondering it. And yes, my quadruple chocolate will be among them. *Don't* expect to ever see the pancake recipe, though, *that* is a family secret, not mine. ;)
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Saturday, February 14th, 2009
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Monday, February 2nd, 2009
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If you see a Cygnata on the Mac forums or on any MMO except CoH, this person is not me. So far, they appear only to have liked the name, and do not seem to be infringing on my copyright. (Cygnata, Dreamers, etc are under paid copyright in relation to my unpublished novel.) Unless they do actively try to pretend to be me, or they try to infringe on my creative properties, I am not pursuing the matter legally at this time. Please do NOT harrass this person. Thank you.
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Monday, December 29th, 2008
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Woke up feeling sick as hell a few hours after I finally did sleep. *sigh* My immune system hates me...
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Yes, this pretty much the best way short of, y'know, actually talking to me, to get updates on my life. I doubt many of you from high school are going to bother clicking on the link leading you here, but for the curious, a couple notes.
* This LJ has been around since 2001. Not everything here is all hunky-dory, sunshine and roses. In fact, this place can get downright angsty. But hey, it's my place to bitch and vent and be all creative and shite. Though I *really* wouldn't suggest trying to read the archives unless you *really* wanna get an earful about the drama from oh, about 5 or 6 years back.
*Any "regulars" who decide they want to "enlighten" said curious readers will be in deep shit. I'm sure as HELL no angel. But stirring up dead and buried drama? That's asinine and infantile behavior.
* I try to update this place when I remember. Probably will be more likely for a while, since I've got the spare time for a few more months. Remember, I'm always a LOT easier to reach via IM. </hint>
Look, this isn't some journal or blog with lofty ideals or one that's trying to make a difference. It's a place for me to just sit down and vent. My personal diary, open to the public. If you really want to take a peek, it's an open book. The really private stuff is behind lock and key where it should be, but for the most part, I haven't much to hide.
I'm just trying to plod along my own path. Sure, it's longer than what most people would choose, and the pace is slower, but the destination'll be there just the same.
Sweet dreams, everyone.
... Fuggoff, ya blasted alarm. >.<
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Ugh. I know I'm gonna be half-dead tomorrow, but I just can't sleep. I have presents to ship later, a couple of things to finish up for Wrapping Presents (charity I help out with), a half-shift at work in about 10 hours... UGH.
Must sleeeeeeeeeep. -.-
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Sunday, December 28th, 2008
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Belated RIP Meglimir... I'll miss you, Robin. :(
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What else is new? :P Just a quick update.
On a Temple waiting list, out of Bucks, working for Staples. STILL at CVS (-.-), joined the SCA (Barony of Carillion), joined the Lucerne Musketeers, still on all my IRC channels, still dating Ryan (3 years!), working for a new Internet radio station (with the Cape's blessing) at callahans.seanmcpherson.com:11000, looking forward to next year's reunion, still relatively healthy, still spending FAR too much on my new computer, and still living at home.
... Whew. Anything I missed? :P
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Friday, October 10th, 2008
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Wow, 81 weeks. I think that's a new procrastination record for me. >.> Update to come in zee morning.
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Saturday, March 17th, 2007
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No, I am not "smoking something." Keep such smartass comments to your smartass self. :P ,,|,,
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My GPA's up tp a 2.6, finally, and I've sent in the application to Penn State. Now it's a matter of waiting.
What's been going on? Still with Ryan, getting to hang out with the band more often, and thoughtly enjoying every minute of being with my oldest friends once more.
And... another old friend has come back into my life. He wants to tr being friends again, maybe even best friends again. I've been wanting this for a long time, but I'm scared. I don't want to drive him off again. Trying my hardest to take things slowly.
I'm taking a lot of things slowly these days. I don't need to be hurt or hurt someone else again. Nor do I want to become distant again. I'll try to update more often, but it's easy to forget. Someone's dreaming of me tonight. Someone who loves me. That helps so much, knowing that. Sometimes the numbness will start, then he'll send me a message, or I'll see a reminder, and the numbness fades. It's a wonderful thing, to *feel.*
Playing my slower music as loud as my headphones will allow right now. It's easier to get lost in the music that way. I don't need to do it so often anymore, but it still helps. *chuckle* Julia, John's girlfriend, was surprised when I mentioned that my favorite song by Blue Sky is Bald Lenny, one of the slower, sadeer ones, and that my favorite song ever is simaler.
I don't know how to explain it. I can get lost in those songs the easiest, they ring truest to me. Sometimes, the only way for me to deal with any emotion is to lose myself in a song that calls it up. And the hardest to deal with are the lower emotions. I want to explain it, but... well, not sure I'll ever have the chance. Music is what first drew me to John in the first place, I think. It's definately always been the strongest bond between us. I wish I had the talent to show the images I see when I hear the music, put those emotions on paper. I don't have the words for something so... *visual.*
*chuckle* There I go, rambling again. Life hasn't been perfect, but... it's been livable. I'm stronger now than I've ever been. I'm more free now than I've ever been.
I'm more *alive* than I've ever been. And that's a blessing I hope will only increase.
o/~ When they ask me if I knew you / I'd smile and say you were a friend of mine o/~
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Saturday, October 21st, 2006
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Kinda in pain at the moment, but definately alive.
Just wanted to check in. Taking classes, trying to study calculus, trying to fight off wooziness, all that crapola.
Had my left two wisom teeth out on Thursday morning. They'd gotten infected. Not pretty, and I was in agony beforehand. Now, as I said, I'm just woozy, even though I haven't taken my pain meds in a few hours, cause there's little to no pain left.
Hopefully I'll be better by morning.
Miss hearing from you all.
Edit: Going downstairs while woozy = bad idea. Doing so and being barreled over by an overenthusiastic collie = insult to injury. -.- I'm fine, caught myself on the railing and only earned a few bruises.
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| Time: | 5:01 pm. |
| Mood: |  mellow. | | Music: | Blue Sky Invention - Bald Lenny. |
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So... promised update.
Lesse... helped start a computer gaming club at school, am officially maintaining a B average, my go to Penn State after next year, I have a new boyfriend, my friends' band ROCKS... and I can't think coherently enough right now to do anything long and involved. I'll try to post more often.
Just an explanation to those who haven't known me for a while. Yes, I go distant, sometimes. Yes, I'll stop contacting people for a while. I'm not mad, I'm not sulking. Sometimes, it's very hard to not procrastinate, or feel more than "I can always contact them later." Some days, it's hard to care about much at all. My Asperger's was diagnosed a while back, and I've learned to deal with it. But please cut me a little slack. Some days, it's hard to really reach out, though I do love it when people reach out to me.
Sometimes, the first move's gotta be yours. *hugs those who want em*
Ryan, I love you. Hope you read this and realize that.
o/~ God I’m Here / Please don’t let me fall asleep / I am so afraid / Of Giving into fear/ Losing all my faith / Forgetting why I’m here o/~
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Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
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Monday, September 26th, 2005
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| Subject: | Stolen from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) quelkaima My Sweetie's Journal |
| Time: | 9:39 pm. |
| Mood: |  giggly. | | Music: | John Denver - Jessie paints a picture. |
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For those unfamiliar, put an X in the parentheses if you've done what is written next to it.
(x) smoked a cigarette [okay, parts of three different cigs. I guess that adds up to one whole one. My poor lungs.]
( ) smoked a cigar
(x) made out with a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped [Repeatedly. -.-]
( ) shoplifted
(x) been fired [And the manager's in deep shit for doing it, too!]
(x) been in a fist fight [Repeatedly. And once or twice I won!]
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
(x) gone on a blind date [Technically, that's what Eliot was.]
(x) lied to a friend [Never again.]
( ) had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped school [Only in college. Never got the chance in high school.]
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone die
(x) had a crush on one of your internet friends
(x) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
(x) been to Europe [Being born there counts, dammit!]
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding [Spent most of the trip down the mountain on my poor ass.]
(x) met someone in person from the internet
( ) been moshing at a concert
(x) been in an abusive relationship [Two guesses, two people. And one I wasn't even dating.]
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game [Eh-heh. How the hell else are you supposed to beat Hordes of the Underdark as a level 12 without god mode?!]
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school [Wonder why I failed Trig the first time? And don't ask about Thanksgiving Day at UPS.]
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
( ) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood [Stupid consonents.]
( ) pet a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
( ) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x) been in a car accident [My mother hit a deer.]
(x) felt like an outcast
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night [About 2 weeks before I was told I'm now lactose intolerent. My poor guts...]
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes [So fun!]
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean [Technically, anyway. I can't get past the wave line without help. I'm not a very strong swimmer.]
(x) felt like dying [Was suicidal a few years ago. Much improved, now.]
(x) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers [Easily bored.]
(x) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't [But the chocolate I told myself I wouldn't buy ended up tasting sooooo good.]
(x) made prank phone calls [^^;;]
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose {two occasions. Milk was fine. Barq's Root beer... fucking OW.]
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) kissed in the rain
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles [Must pop!]
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed at a party
(x) have traveled more than 5 days in a car full of people [Best trip of my life. Whoo!]
(x) gone rollerskating [Self taught]
(x) had a wish come true
(x) worn pearls [They ARE my birthstone. ;)]
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed penis in class
( ) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) sang in the shower [Always.]
(x) had a little black dress
(x) fucked in a park [NCC campus counts. With snow on the ground. *brr* Blame Eliot.]
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something [I'm a klutz. ^^;;]
(x) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole [Elementary school.]
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex's clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top [I hate heights. Robbie (Joe's cousin) and I were climbing across it, and stopped to relax.]
( ) had sex at a church [... Even I'm not that nuts.]
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours [I still shudder at the memory of that phone bill.]
(x) stayed up all night [Two all nighters in a row = Insane Becky]
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(x) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone [Nightmares.]
(/) believe in ghosts [Undecided, though my nightmares don't help.]
( ) have more than 15 pairs of shoes
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say [Pink shirt, yellow shorts. People said I looked like an Easter egg.]
(x) gone streaking [*snicker* Further description of this event may incriminate me, so I plead the fifth!]
( ) played ding-dong-ditch [...Huh?]
( ) played chicken fight
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on [And a pond, and a river... next idiot who pulls that gets smacked. Cause I tend to inhale water and with my lungs, that's NOT good.]
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone [Right wrist.]
(x) been easily amused [Always.]
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
( ) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name [All the time. ^^;;]
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someones hair [Turned out horrible.]
(x) gone skinny dipping in a pool
:)
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John's home, Dave (http://www.livejournal.com/users/saiyanhedgehog/) and I are together... everything's going *right.* Classes are easier this time around, even if my English prof wants to grade me by grad student standards. Eek. :)
I'm finally back on track, forging ahead, and NOTHING is gonna fucking stop me. Not life, not parents, no one. I'm saving money to pay for classes even if the fianncial aid runs out, and making plans for an apartment.
The plan: 2 years at Bucks. 3 if absolutely nessecary. Transfer to U of Penn. Get the Bachelors of Scidence in Geology. Graduate summa cum laude, while I'm at. The, off to Tuscon for the doctorate!
I've dicked around long enough, waiting to be eligible for financial aid again.
I'm a DJ now, people actually LIKE tuning into my show. I helped organize and took care of 75% of the duties for The Cape's NOLA Benefit Auction. After 2 years on my own, learning who I am, I am in love with a stable man who I have been friends with for years. (We met in college, and no, NOT Northampton.) I have travelled the states, seen things I never thought I would. So much more, so much I still want to do, and I WILL do it, cause I'm a stubborn old BITCH, and PROUD of it. :)
But most of all, after a long, soul wrenching journey... I think I've found Me.
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Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
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| Subject: | Tonight |
| Time: | 2:00 am. |
| Mood: |  exhausted. | | Music: | Jellyfish - Russian Hill (The Cape Radio - DJ Dione Layin' It Down!). |
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So much has changed.. so much still stays the same. Found this in my directory. Wrote it a couple months ago.
Me
Water, warm and comforting,
Brings memories to the fore,
Intermingling with vanilla candles,
Clarity where before there was none.
A thousand thoughts rush through my brain,
Seeking to make their way onto the page.
But in the cold beyond, they fade,
And I must grasp them before they are gone.
My point of view... unique, some have said.
I do not try to be unusual,
I only try to be myself,
Learning to be better in a world
I am sometimes uncertain how to navigate.
So much advice, sometimes warring,
Which must be sifted through, the sources considered.
I live life learning from the mistakes of others,
Awhirl in a dizzying maelstrom of etiquette and opinions.
Yet to my own guns must I also stick,
Knowing in my heart the paths I must take.
For these are the eyes which have seen tragedy,
And this is the heart that has felt joy.
Mine are the hands which have fought to stay alive,
As my body has earned the scars of the hatred,
Of anyone not normal, of those who are different.
This is the mind which has seen forgiveness,
And this is the soul that has resolved to stay strong.
Memories flood back,
Of friends who long ago moved on,
Some who I miss with a wry smile,
Others who haunt my dreams, stealing away my sleep.
They were my family for so long,
My stability, my strength, as I learned to build my own,
Preparing for the day I had to stand alone.
They have their lives, their families, their jobs,
There is no more room for me.
This I accept, with a smile of regret,
As I learn to follow my own way.
I've made new friends,
None so close as those I left behind,
But in some ways, closer.
Still the tagalong, still on the fringe,
I can talk to some few, and know they
At least try to understand.
Still, I must be careful.
I wish no pity, but it is easy
To seem like I do.
But these are the eyes which are open,
That try to see all sides of the world.
And this is the scarred heart,
Which is slowly beginning to heal.
Mine are the hands that try to be helpful,
As my body sometimes longs to protect
Another child from what it has felt.
This is the mind that tries to stay open to the world,
And this is the soul that knows
The emptiness will be filled one day.
I write these words slowly,
Trying to say what I can,
But always mindful of who might read.
The muse does not come so often anymore,
Though sometimes I need her more than ever.
I long to open my mind to her,
To let the words flow onto the page,
A torrent, unbroken, to touch emotions,
To show the world how I see it
And maybe to finally be understood.
I feel old when she struggles,
Reminded of my past, my present,
And my much changed plans for the future.
I used to dream big, and plan for years ahead,
But now, tomorrow is enough to handle.
Someday will come, but not soon.
Raised hopes are often dashed.
But still, I cannot stop dreaming, stop wishing
For a better day to come.
For these are the eyes that now see beauty,
In a flower, in a stone, in the face of a friend,
And this is the heart that still loves,
Still tries, failing sometimes, to think first always of others.
These are the hands which always rebuild,
And my body holds the strength to help them.
This is the mind that tries hard not to close,
And this is the soul that sees hope.
This is me.
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Thursday, August 11th, 2005
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| Time: | 9:19 am. |
| Mood: |  crushed. |
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she worsened last night, and nearly choked to death on her own watery vomit today. we're putting her to sleep at 4:45pm.
sleep well, my tiger.
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Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
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I called the vet... my parents exaggerated things, but only VERY slightly. Spent all day watching her. She refused the percription diet food I offerred, but she drank water.
Her intenstines are involved, and they don't know if it's pancreatic or bowel cancer. surgery has a small chance of working cause she's young. It'd be several hundred dollars, but I can use the $600 I've saved...
Anything for my baby. Next hurdle is finding a ride there tomorrow.
pray for her...
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cranky.
worried.