Current mood:	sleepy
Current music:	Bryan Adams - Sound the Bugle, Indigo Girls - Ghost

Long delayed update
My GPA's up tp a 2.6, finally, and I've sent in the application to Penn State. Now it's a matter of waiting.

What's been going on? Still with Ryan, getting to hang out with the band more often, and thoughtly enjoying every minute of being with my oldest friends once more.

And... another old friend has come back into my life. He wants to tr being friends again, maybe even best friends again. I've been wanting this for a long time, but I'm scared. I don't want to drive him off again. Trying my hardest to take things slowly.

I'm taking a lot of things slowly these days. I don't need to be hurt or hurt someone else again. Nor do I want to become distant again. I'll try to update more often, but it's easy to forget. Someone's dreaming of me tonight. Someone who loves me. That helps so much, knowing that. Sometimes the numbness will start, then he'll send me a message, or I'll see a reminder, and the numbness fades. It's a wonderful thing, to *feel.*

Playing my slower music as loud as my headphones will allow right now. It's easier to get lost in the music that way. I don't need to do it so often anymore, but it still helps. *chuckle* Julia, John's girlfriend, was surprised when I mentioned that my favorite song by Blue Sky is Bald Lenny, one of the slower, sadeer ones, and that my favorite song ever is simaler.

I don't know how to explain it. I can get lost in those songs the easiest, they ring truest to me. Sometimes, the only way for me to deal with any emotion is to lose myself in a song that calls it up. And the hardest to deal with are the lower emotions. I want to explain it, but... well, not sure I'll ever have the chance. Music is what first drew me to John in the first place, I think. It's definately always been the strongest bond between us. I wish I had the talent to show the images I see when I hear the music, put those emotions on paper. I don't have the words for something so... *visual.*

*chuckle* There I go, rambling again. Life hasn't been perfect, but... it's been livable. I'm stronger now than I've ever been. I'm more free now than I've ever been.

I'm more *alive* than I've ever been. And that's a blessing I hope will only increase.

o/~ When they ask me if I knew you / I'd smile and say you were a friend of mine o/~